When first starting out in a relationship or meeting someone for the first time, you may often find yourself wondering if you’re truly compatible. Determining if you’re compatible with someone right off the bat can be difficult. This is partially because you are putting your best foot forward, and the other person likely is, too. This can make it difficult to know if you’re truly compatible because it takes time for walls to come down and to truly get to know someone and for them to get to know you.
These twelve points of love compatibility may not all be important to you
Still, even if you have been dating for a while, you probably want to be sure that you are fully compatible before taking the plunge into a serious commitment. You don’t want to wind up in a long-term relationship or marriage that will ultimately fail because you are not compatible with one another. Often, the best way to determine if you are compatible is to explore each other’s beliefs and way of life, to best see if your core ideals mesh. This can be done in some ways but should be explored before making serious commitments such as moving in together or getting married.
This isn’t to say that you must agree on everything (some challenge and differences are good!), but, generally, having at least a couple of similar core beliefs is quite beneficial for the long-term success of committed relationships. If your core beliefs are particularly different, it could be difficult to reconcile these and understand one another, and resentment could build as time goes on.
Ultimately, determining if you are truly compatible in courtship before a commitment is extremely important to the success of the relationship
One study done on the subject of compatibility in courtship suggests that there are three different situations in which you may or may not determine that you are compatible during courtship before a commitment is made. The first situation that was found is the most common, called the disillusionment model. In this situation, the couples put their best foot forward and do not truly determine whether they are compatible or not until they have already made a long-term commitment.
The second model is the perpetual problems situation, in which the couple sees the problems with their compatibility and tackles them head on throughout the courtship.
The third model is the accommodations model, in which the couple works to change their behaviors and ideals to match that of the other person. In other words, rather than determining in advance if they are compatible, the couple simply forces the compatibility through personal change. This can be a pretty mixed bag in terms of resulting in genuine happiness and compatibility – it depends on the types of changes made. If this involves you or your partner pretending to be someone you’re/they’re not, this is not a feasible option. However, if it involves you or your partner changing certain unhealthy or unhelpful behaviors (such as excessive drinking, for example) that don’t interfere with but rather amplify your ability to be your genuine self, this can be a boon to the relationship.
When you learn early on whether or not you are truly compatible, you will be able to stay together longer and have a successful relationship without obstacles.
According to extensive research by Dr. Edward Hoffman, there are 12 main points of compatibility that should be examined between couples. There is, as always, some wiggle room for you and your partner to determine if you are willing to be incompatible in some way or ways. For example, people with different spiritual beliefs may still be compatible in enough other ways that this difference can be accommodated, particularly with communication and understanding.